i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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