saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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