Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
