somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
