I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
