my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
