My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
