so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
