i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
