Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
