It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so let's talk penis.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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