why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
