in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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