Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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