Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
