He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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