to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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