thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
