awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
