Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
