so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Michael Bay diarrhea
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
