I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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