Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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