bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
