Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
