I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
