if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
