The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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