Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
