I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
