he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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