Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
