Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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