She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
