You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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