you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
