She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
