Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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