Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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