who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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