i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
