I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
