I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
