Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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