We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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