literally had 100 drinks last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
