Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
