are you still at the devil's house?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
