Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
