I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
