I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
