Your face is a jimmy john
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm getting married
To pizza
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
