Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
