This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
