The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
