Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
