your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
