I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
