I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
