I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
