what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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