you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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