every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
