There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
