They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
