why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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