So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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