i used baking grease as lip gloss
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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