My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
