I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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