did you get engaged???
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
