Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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