I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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