Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
